Self-love.
It’s an immensely worthwhile “quest”... but it's also such a buzzword.
After generations of separation; fighting and hating, people are starting to wake up to the awareness that how we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves.
That’s because how we perceive the world is personal ( it's based on our memories, values, histories, etc.) and so we have no choice but to project our internal world onto the external world.
In this way, if we see ourselves lovingly, we see the world lovingly. “Loving” in this case, is our lens. The same goes for criticism and judgment. If we have a lens of judgment towards the external world, it's because we judge ourselves first. "Judgment" is our lens.
So, instead of pointing the finger of blame at others for making them feel, or do certain things, people are starting to take responsibility for the reality they are creating for themselves. And they are seeking to transform from the inside out.
With this has come a huge self-love movement. Which, in theory, is amazing, but is harder in execution because…love is a feeling, an undefinable state, not a thought.
It wasn't until I was forced out of my head, that I was shaken free from all of the expectations and definitions of love that I used to “hold”. I say “hold” because that's what I was trying to do. I would fixate on having it, being it, so I could achieve it and “keep” it… then everything would be… perfect.
That was like holding a photo of a loving experience and trying to relive it forever- trying to keep it and the feelings so you would never feel anything but love again…
But love isn't a trend or something to achieve. It's way better than that.
Love is a constant. It’s an absolute.
Most importantly, it’s unconditional.
It’s bigger than the mind can even understand. It’s an energy so healing and so uplifting that when you cut to the truth that at your core, you are love, you recognize that no matter what you experience, you are loveable. Then, you have no reason to fear and are set free.
Real love is the real deal.
To help ease you into this new perspective: A great rule of thumb to see yourself the way love does is to ask “How would love treat me right now?” How would unconditional love, love that is bigger than thought itself the love that is my core essence and the thing I’m always trying to get to and am searching for in everything I do… that deep, fulfilling, unwavering love, how would that love treat me?
My guess is that no matter what, it would treat you with compassion, support, and understanding. It would treat you with patience.
In a mental wellness program for Children I created, I use the analogy of a puppy.
Imagine a 6-week old puppy with soft fur and loving eyes who just loves to be held and cuddled. Notice the feeling you get as you imagine holding that sweet little puppy. It’s a pure, tender, unconditional feeling, isn’t it? Well, that’s how love sees you.
Even if you made a “mistake” in your eyes and feel like you've done something you knew was wrong, love would treat you with forgiveness, with compassion and understanding. It would help you make choices in alignment with who you really are to experience the life you are here to experience. It would help you move forward from mistakes so you could make better choices in future. And it would “let go” of the guilt from past mistakes. As Buddha says, “Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”
So next time you feel panicked, afraid, alone, or like you shouldn’t be feeling what you are, remember how love would see you.
Then choose to see yourself that way.
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